I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
