I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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