he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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