I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
