Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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