no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
