Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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