omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
