under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
