We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My bed smells like the plague
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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