What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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