Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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