Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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