Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
