My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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