Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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