He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
