Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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