evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
