Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
