the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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