don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
