you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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