So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
