well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
