Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just google imaged poop.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
