Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
