my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
