I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
