there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
