Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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