Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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