I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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