Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
