you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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