living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
