Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
