friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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