The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
