Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
