He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i came on her dog
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
