just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
