I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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