I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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