he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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