I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
