TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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