I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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