it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
