sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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