I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
