I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
