Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
