Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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