Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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