im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
