dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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