This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize