hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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