I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
