do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
