this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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