I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
