I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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