so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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