JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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