Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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