dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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