why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
