smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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