My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
