Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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