Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
