Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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