We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
