HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
