I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
