dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
