when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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