This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
